Men are Angry. Women are Tired.

Men are angry. Women are tired. That's what happens when you are new to the fight. The rookies are all peppy and gearing to get into battle. The veterans are giving everyone a side-eye while debating the pros and cons of getting out of bed. Men are upset that they are now asked to change their lives a little for the first time, women are just adding it to the list.

Coronavirus: Washing Hands and Not Touching Faces

Well, fuck. Various experts are predicting shit is going to hit the fan in select areas of the United States in the next 10 days. The rest is soon to follow. 40-70% of the world's population is expected to catch the fuck out of this virus. A lot of people are going to die. But also a lot of survivors are going to end up with permanent lung damage and other health problems. If you're reading this far, I'm hoping you're not one of the gleefully ignorant bastards proclaiming that anyone who worries about this virus is an idiot. Not just because I hope there aren't that many stupid people out there, but because I'm not donating my time for those jackasses. They need an entirely different kind of help- and that help is paid.

Coronavirus: Here Goes Slightly More Than Nothing

A few weeks ago, I considered writing a few posts about the Coronavirus, or COVID-19. I have specific skills in this area, and have unique insights that I've not seen elsewhere. I didn't for a few reasons:

• I'm still recovering from my brain and eye damage, so typing anything is difficult. Moreso anything scientific. 
• The above fact is severely depressing, due to my former life as a highly-technical science beast.
• Who would listen to me anyway? Only a few of my friends and former coworkers know of my qualifications (e.g. Master of Science; 20+ years of experience, training and experience in many relevant areas in security including but not exclusive to: risk treatment and pandemics; and I even used to clean hospices in order to protect AIDS patients from other illnesses) and even they are not immune to the "my opinion is more important than fact" disease.
• I'm not willing to identify myself by name on this page. After all, I am a woman on the internet and this is not my first rodeo. However I shut down my professional security blog last year because my recovering brain could not handle the upkeep. This is my art and hobby page, for fuck's sake!

Maybe We're Not Made of Star Stuff

I haven't created a single piece of art in nearly a year, and only a few in the months prior. There's been no motivation, no care, no point in making anything. Of course I am still disciplined so I've forced myself to focus and make the attempt, but it is clear that either my health conditions have rendered me inoperable or my situation has eliminated all desire.

There is no want to create beautiful things. The world is ugly. People are ugly. Why bring beauty into an ugly existence? What a cruel thing to do. Cruel to the beautiful to bring it into an ugly world. Cruel to the rest of us to confront the glaring reality that other things could have been beautiful. Instead we may be in the darkest, ugliest timeline.

The Citizenship Census Question

Last week, my partner and I were talking about the census citizenship question, and how many of our friends are rallying against it. Jolly good! However when I listen to them, they only object because its inclusion would be racist. That has truth, especially when you consider xenophobia, but the full story is more nefarious than that. The Trump administration is trying to use the census to help the Republicans win more elections. Knowledge about what the census actually achieves is needed to understand what Trump is trying to do, so please allow me to explain.

Basic is Beautiful

My dominant art style in high school was simple but factually accurate. I hesitate to describe it as "cartooning" even though it may be true, but they were more like illustrations. I didn't draw them as caricatures with exaggerated features or with vague suggestions of shape and color.

I'm... drawn... (sigh)... to using basic outlines for every type of non-abstract art that I do. Perhaps I think in templates, where I start with the real shape but fill it in differently. I could have used the same outlines to draw incredibly realistic figures (maybe I should do that now as a test). However at the time I just wanted it all to be basic.

And look at me, not using "basic" as an insult. Learn this well, folks. Not everything is an opportunity to tear ourselves or others down. Basic can be delightful. Especially when you're drawn past your limit (okay I'll stop!).

Fire Planet

I painted this around the time of the 2017 Presidential Inauguration. There is a... slight chance... you may detect some fury. Though it is more accurately based on what I felt was upon us- a firestorm. Fascism, climate change, oppression- everything we are seeing now just two years later. It wasn't just that it seemed it all was coming, it was there already and we had missed our last chance to divert it. Many couldn't be bothered to try to stop it, and others felt destruction was the same as prosperity. Furthermore, a lot of people welcomed the storm- and continue to do so.

Pop! Goes the Damsel

It is so bizarre seeing art about my stress when my life wasn't as stressful as it is now. It is like standing on the other side of the looking glass.

Something-something resilience, I guess.

Abort Alabama

I just don't know what to say. There are no words when Republicans think of women as "hosts" instead of human beings. When miscarriages are going to be treated as murder. When rhetoric of the standing President of the United States lies and tells people that Pro-Choice people kill born, viable babies. There is nothing to say when women are raped and threatened with jail if their rapists are not found guilty. There is a DEAFENING silence when the impregnator- consensual or not- faces no repercussions but women are threatened with prison or death.

Foreshortening and Awkwardness

For years, most of my drawings and paintings were of still, poised subjects. The poses were chosen for both ease of the job (hey, at least I admit it!) and to make the subject look as good as it possibly can. Kind of a Glamour Shots of art.

Cats looking proud and beautiful. People looking like they have perfected Blue Steel. A vase of flowers that all pointed directly at me. After a while though, it just felt like I was doing the same pose over and over. Because I was. Let's face it- there aren't a lot of perfect angles for each subject.

SO BE IT

Crayon representation

Movie wall

The movie "Pump Up the Volume" was very influential on me growing up. It still is, though it could use some updating (like using podcasts instead of a pirate radion station).

One of Christian Slater's character Mark's most famous catchphrases is, "so be it!" It means you can't control everything so you have to work with what you have. It means that if those in power are going to take an action, you are worthy of your reaction. It means screw the repercussions. It means anything that it means to you. It means whaterver you need it to mean- if it gets you there.

I've long wanted to make a large painting of this wall, but in the end I made a crayon drawing of it. Strangely enough, it might be enough for me.

So be it.

Painting with Pain

In early 2018 I was stuck in bed in pain yet again. I had watched all the programs, read all the books, played all the video games and I was bored. I was frustrated. I was full of the useless fury that only debilitating chronic pain can instill.

Back then I was still working with colors, and watercolors seemed to be a safe thing I could do on the couch with a tray. Surprisingly, I did not spill but I was using the cheap watercolor hard trays. I was so grumpy I didn't want to look at a picture for reference. I just started painting.

Darth Painter

I have breathing issues, mostly stemming from allergies. So in the spring and summer I am pretty much a wheezing, dripping monster.

Despite being a badass, being sick and injured all the time gets at bit... irksome. In the summer of 2018 I was not only suffering from allergies but some nasty cold that someone was kind enough to share. My breathing sounded like... well do you really need to guess?

Portalmogrifier

This is more marker art from the summer of 2018. I had my markers in front of me and tried to think of something geeky to do. I'm a fan of puns and any kind of combined geekdom. Despite being stuck at home with a virus, I was pretty content.

5 Minute Art

You need multiple tactics to get past brain blocks. In the summer of 2018 I would just sit, wanting to create, but I had no interest in anything that occurred to me. It was as if anything *I* thought of was automatically wrong so the idea could not come from me.

Same Cat or Different Cat?

I often try to describe the concept that I may create some nice-looking cats, but that is not the same as creating THAT particular cat.

This crayon drawing is one of my best. I am stupid proud of it. People tell me how cool it is (and for once, I agree with them). It is the first Desk Cat Drawing that made people start to ask me to draw their cats.

The Origin of Desk Cat

This is my very first "desk cat drawing." In 2015 I was trying to convince myself to get back into art. My partner had bought me a daily cat calendar, and I took as it a good opportunity to take a break at work and draw cats every once in a while. Nothing else changed with that regularity, and you can only draw your stapler so many times.

Still Life is Still Life

This is a rabbit Pez dispenser with an old-school CRT computer monitor in tha background. When you are planning a still-life, it can be more interesting to include the environment. It is even more interesting if you make it personal. At the time I loved bunnies, candy, and was a computer technician. When I see this ink drawing I don't just think of it as an old practice drawing. I see it as a snapshot back to an earlier time in my life.

Pantsuit Pussies

Our current political climate is as volitile as the Earth's climate. It's a disaster upon disaster. Before I lost all hope, in January 2017 I drew and painted a few cats in pantsuits in response to the U.S. election. Back when I still believed in The Red Dot, Resistance, and that not all humanity was garbage.

Anything Finished is a Victory

I was at a convention and needed some time to myself. I was trying to do a realistic drawing, but ended up doing an angry cartoon. This just happens to me sometimes, and I stopped worrying about it. Whatever comes out, even if it wasn't what I intended, is a success of some sort. Maybe I even learned how to do something. Whatever, it is just weird.